Chronicles of a Single Mom #9- Failing Fathers


Recently I saw the following on social media:
CS Inside 1
Let’s have a serious conversation about this. Child support is not a broke woman’s hustle. It’s a smart woman’s hustle. And I use the word hustle loosely because in most cases it’s a necessity.
If you can go half on this baby, then you can go half on the financial responsibility of having one. Let’s be clear, a child is a little human being that needs all of the same things you do as a man.
Full disclaimer here: I’m a single parent whose child’s father is under a child support order. Due to said order, and for whatever other reasons he claims, he doesn’t see his daughter. She has seen him a total of three times in her life and she’s 9 years old. If he walked past her in the street, she wouldn’t recognize him. As she’s gotten older, she’s stopped acknowledging his absence. She doesn’t ask about seeing him, doesn’t call him on Father’s Day and has flat-out asked that she be found a new daddy. I don’t speak ill of him and haven’t brainwashed her. She’s formed her own conclusions from the lack of attention he gives her. While a check is received every month, he doesn’t call or see her. There are no birthday calls/cards, he doesn’t show up at recitals and she gets no Christmas. He’s stayed away for so long that she, herself, has counted him out.
With that being said choosing not to deal with your child because the mother files for child support is stupid and needs to stop.
I’m sure you’ve all heard this tired line before:
“If you put me on child support I’m not going to deal with my kid” or “If you put me on child support that’s all you going to get from me.”
Let me guess. It’s probably something you heard from your homeboys who’s not even taking care of their own kids.
As a mother, it is my duty to provide to the best of my ability for my child. So when it comes down to getting a certain amount a month, dental and medical insurance versus you giving me money or items when you feel like it, I’m putting you on child support. I have no problem letting “the man” talk for me when it comes to making sure my child has a roof over her head, clothes on her back and food in the refrigerator.
It is your duty as a father to provide what that child needs emotionally, mentally and physically. If the physical part puts you in your feelings then it’s probably best you stay in your own lane and not mess up what some dedicated, hardworking mother is doing. No she doesn’t want to do it on her own but nobody wants to clean up or deal with confusion, drama or mess because you don’t understand how to take care of your responsibilities. The pros far outweigh the cons of you and your feelings, however hurt they may be.
Speaking of feelings, let me help some fellas out of theirs. There is no reason why someone else should ever mandate you to take care of something you created. No one tells you when to buy jewels, put gas in or wash your car and go to the club. The things that you voluntarily take care of are precious to you, an automatic priority. Your children should be at the top of that list.
For those who say their baby mama is tripping or don’t know how to act right or is withholding their child from them: Child Support is your friend. I get that there are some sorry mothers out there who do things like that. However, this is where child support benefits you. As soon as she files that order, in most cases, it leaves you with joint custody unless otherwise specified. Meaning she can’t not let you see your child if you’re paying child support. It’s illegal and a violation of the agreement. So those papers make sure you can visit your child if you want to.
We have to stop allowing this to be the norm. It’s not okay for you to not take care of your kids. Period. Mothers, you need to let your sons know that sending a check and not being there for their child/children is not okay. It’s right up there with not sending a check and not taking care of their child/children. Women who deal with these men, you should encourage them to deal with their child/children. Why would you want the love of a man that can’t even love his flesh and blood? To the homeboys, you are your brother’s keeper. If you can influence him to do everything else, then you should influence him to take care of his kids.
In a nut shell, step up. Not because you’re faced with jail time or tired of arguing about a few dollars. Do it because it’s what you should do.
Do it because you care.
Do it for your kids.
And to those single mothers with a child support order, keep being smart.
I’m Just Saying.


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