Finding myself… again


Every few months I get this feeling of restlessness.
I feel as if I’ve fallen down on the job. The never-ending job of mom, journalist, sister, friend, daughter, professional, citizen and woman.
What qualification chart or performance review am I holding to feel that way? None, yet the feeling remains.
Whatever that reason is, it causes me to stop and take stock in all aspects of my life at that moment. Sometimes that’s a good thing (and a morale booster) and at times it causes me to face some ugly truths.
I’m sure that I’m not the only person who’s found themselves feeling this way. There are too many people getting paid off of self-help books for me to be the lone wolf in that forest.
As I get older, I’ve come to appreciate that period of time. I don’t feel worthless. I don’t feel as if I’m not useful.
Oddly, this time motivates me. It’s a challenge to be a better me. Or to at least try to be the best at whatever I happen to tackle that day.
That could be taking on two stories for publication and posting a blog or deciding to wrestle three loads of laundry, while making sure dinner’s cooked before the 6 p.m. PTA meeting.
It’s a push to pour my heart, soul and sometimes anger into whatever I’m doing.
Ultimately, it’s a sign of growth.
It shows me that I’m no longer content with being content. It shows the need for evolution. It shows the need to challenge myself mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally on a quarterly basis.
It shows that I still have the urge to learn, teach, explore and care about others.
Finally, it shows that this is not the end for me. Far from it, if I say so myself. I still have somewhere to go, something important to do, and someone important to say it to – whether they want to hear it or not.
My only problem is which challenge I’ll tackle first.
It wouldn’t be right to expend all of this awesomeness all at one time.
It just wouldn’t.
I have to learn to space the greatness out.
I’m Just Saying.


The Year of 30


On Feb. 24, I celebrated my 31st birthday.
It caused me to reflect on this last year.
I’ve lost friends and gained new ones. I’ve changed my address, jobs and my lifestyle.
This last year has really thrown me some twists and turns.
So much has happened this last year and I was starting to feel like I hadn’t accomplished anything.
Then I thought about what I learned from all of those tests and trials that came with the year of 30.
I became a better individual in so many ways. I became stronger- mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
I’ve become more independent. Projects that I would’ve waited for someone to do, I’ve begun doing it myself. I admit it might not be with the right tools and with a mini hot pink tool set instead but I can tell you that I semi know my way around Home Depot now. Even if the put together objects fall apart.
I’ve become more determined. While I haven’t crossed out everything on my short or long term list, I’ve discovered that I hit some of them and I’m okay with that. I’ll just roll it over onto the next list and make sure that I get to it.
I’ve become more dedicated. The focus that I’ve given some projects this last year is astonishing coming from the ultimate procrastinator. I have a habit of either waiting until the last minute to do something or getting halfway through it and never finishing. For some projects, it seems like I’m going full speed ahead. So close to the finish line that stopping is no longer an option.
Most of all, I’ve become more accepting of myself. I’ve learned so much about myself, my limits, what I will put up with and what I won’t, what I can accomplish in one day without killing myself and what I need to allow to roll over onto the next.
I’ve learned about me and I’ve loved me.
Without needing anyone to validate it.
With all this new knowledge, the year of 31 should be one hell of a ride.
I’m just saying.